mrayty

mrayty ya mrayty,

I officially declare myself Amiri material

Fee rewayaten okhra snobby stuck-up, non-humanitarian, non-empathetic, cold, heartless *cough* bitch *cough*

(Pardon the french)

mmm...

Okay so I still have to work on the stuck up part, but I think I've got the rest all covered.

Good for me.
Its about bloody time.

ps: no offence to anyone who works in Amiri, but if you do, you know the stereotype majority I'm talking about.

pps: sorry for not getting back to your comments on the previous post but I've been insanely busy lately. Will get back to them as soon as I can.


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Zain Kuwait

mrayty ya mrayty,

I'm feeling a thousand different emotions at once...bas many 7asa eb wala shay at the same time

Does that make sense?
Madry...

Feny bachya...bas many gadra a6ale3ha...a7es fe load on my chest oo I cant take it off...not no matter how much I try, bas simply because I have no motivation to even try...

Bas the thing is, I think lost my ability to cry. Like I physically cant do it anymore. I havent done it in so long that I think I forgot how it works. Bro7y I wasnt much of a 'crier' before, and now this emotional numbness isnt helping at all...

T3arfen lma you wanna cry but you cant? And your eyes kinda swell up bas mako tears oo then they just start hurting? And then you get that weird lump in your throat and that weird chest tightness?

Am I making sense at all to you?

Probably not...after all, you're just a mirror...you wouldnt knw that sometimes you just need someone to just hold you so very tight and be with you while you cry, without asking who or what or why...


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Zain Kuwait

shino ya3ny?

Exactly what are we referring to when we say these things?

Are we referring to morals? To attitude towards others? To values? To traditions? To religion?

Etha flan ma ybog oo ma ychatheb, oo his friends and family can always rely on him, oo ma yel3ab eb banat elnas, oo 3enda lzwara shay asasy ma y6awfa, oo y9aly oo y9om...ethan flan khosh wa7ed.

Enzain wetha one of the things are missing?

Etha flan ma ybog wla ychatheb, oo his family and friends can always rely on him, oo ma yel3ab eb banat elnas, oo 3nda lzwara shay asasy...bas 3umra eb 9am, wla a9lan y3aref shlon y9aly...what about him then?

Enzain wetha two things are missing?

Wetha three?

Etha flan fulfils all the criteria except shay wa7ed: say ybog oo ychatheb, bas everything else is perfect, aw etha flana 'khosh wa7da' bas kilyom m3 9bay?

Wetha flan ma ysawy wla shay mn all this, la ybog wla ychatheb wla wla wla...bas yeshrab oo he smokes up? Or he parties like an animal? Or sleeps with girls?

You see, technically, ohwa mkhareb bas one criteria, bas he's khosh wa7ed in all the others.

Its confusing!!

If you know me personally, you know ena i'm someone who NEVER judges people. Never. L2ana I believe ena everyone does whatever they believe is right. Mabda2 lakom deenkom waleya deeny. Ya3ny just because I respect what you do doesnt necessarily mean I agree with it, or will do it myself for that matter.

Now alot of people I know ma ya3jebhom this about me...my own mother included (oo ymkn entaw shakh9eyan ma ya3jebkom halkalam)...eli how can you know someone who does x and y...shlon oo ma loon? bas i always say who am i to tell people what they can and cant do?

Bas I always thought ena as long as you're doing whatever you're doing without harming others, that makes you khosh wa7ed.

Bas sometimes I think about it...

Ya3ny I know people who drink and smoke up,
I know people eli 3ndhom kilyom bf/gf,
I know people ma y9alon wla y9omon,
oo I know people who lie to their parents on a daily basis,
oo I know people who got married without their parents approval,

Does that make them bad people?
Madry...

What if I told you they drink/smoke cz they have problems?
And what if I told u ena kil yom m3 a7ad cz they're trying to get over someone?
What if I told you they dont pray because they say many gader akhsha3 m3 raby, or raby mara7 yet8abal 9yamy anyway?
What if I told you ena their parents wont even let them go to jam3iya bro7hom?
Oo what if I told you ena their parents said no 3la swalef ghabeya nafs a9eel oo ma nakhith 3yal X bas ohwa khosh 9bay etc etc


6ab3an kil eli ga3agola hatha ghair swalef mn ta7t lai ta7at oo elserious double personality thing in our culture (eli ohwa jedam elnas personality oo mn warahom a completely different person)

Ya3ny mathalan flan 'khosh wa7ed' 7ata banat ma ye6la3 ma3ahom...bas eli may3arfona ena flan kilyom m3 bnaya bas eb sayara wla chalet etc etc

I know a girl eli kila tgoly ee there's the me who drinks and parties and and and...and then there's the typical kuwaity me...eli kilman yshofha mn bara...l2ana t3arfen lbnaya lazem t7afeth 3la sum3at'ha oo eyoon yakh6ubonha mn bait ahalha mn kithr ma sum3at'ha jameela...oo ma yadron about what she does behind closed doors because she hides it so well

and then there's people like me for example, who has nothing to hide from anyone, eli etha bte6la3 m3 her guy friends, te6la3 weyahom jedam eldenya kilha not eb some chalet or she8a

and then there's all the other people who see me and her men bara...and we all know who they're gonna like best.

Which is okay as well, mind you...ya3ny I understand their point of view...because i've come to the conclusion ena the more you hide in this society, oo the better liar that you are, the more you get away with things

Bas ana wa7da I cant lie...mo 3an shay bas ma3arf...i'm the kinda person who wears their heart on their sleeve mithl ma ygolon.

over the past few days, I met a few people eli agolokom to many of you, ymkn mo khosh awadem...bas eli to me, okay-I-would-never-do-that-bas-kaifk kind of attitude

oo when I first met them, I was like okay these arent really my favorite kinda company kilish mo no3y they do too many things I wouldnt...ghair ena 3an ghala6 oo 9a7, bas ena we really just wouldnt get along if we were to hang out together.

Oo ymkn a lot of you think ena wow where does she meet these kinda people...bas 9adgoony 9adgoony 9adgoony they're ALL around you...agrab elnas lkom sometimes. The only point is that everyone knows ena I have a very non-judgemental attitude oo ena i'm the very definition of elmathal “Serrak eb beer” fa thats why wayed nas yakh'thon ra7at'hom weyay.

Elmohem I dont want to sidetrack from the point too much here, and I do realize that this post probably isnt gonna make any sense to lots of people (myself included if I go back and read it again),

then again, this is a discussion post (the first of many to come hopefully)...please do share your personal opinion about what makes a person 'khosh wa7ed'


Whats your definition of khosh awadem?

Hospital: Psychiatric hospital
File Number: 123456
Name: Badreya al-flani
Age: 37 years
Sex: Female
Brought by: Husband
Date of Admission: 3rd September 2009
Admission number: multiple (every 6-7 months since she was 17)
Diagnosis: chronic schizophrenia / bipolar affective disorder → current episode: mixed

Badreya was brought to the hospital by her husband when he caught her calling the emergency number, and demanding that they find her cousin who left the country 20 years ago, so that she can see her dying mother (the patient's aunt)

On questioning the family, they stated that the aforementioned cousin doesnt exist, and that no members of the family are infact sick.

Badreya has had multiple admissions since she was 17, when she first got married. Her husband was both physically and verbally abusive to her. She has been admitted every 6-7 months ever since.

Badreya has no insight of her illness – she doesnt believe she is sick, and only takes her medication because her doctor asks her to, not because she realizes she as a problem.


Follow-up (Day 1)
Badreya found me in the ward. She wanted to see me and she wouldnt wait until I finished with my patient. She very eagerly took me to her room, where she gave me a styrofoam cup filled with water and had four flowers: 2 purple, 1 yellow and one pink. The flowers were tied down together at the base by a piece of string, and placed in some water at the base of the cup. Badreya was smiling and very happy when she gave me the cup; she told me that she had picked the flowers out from the garden during their daily walk outdoors. Then, she started crying because she stated that these flowers were 'shay wayed basee6' and that I deserved so much more, but there was only so much she could do since she wasnt allowed to leave the hospital. She cried because this was the only thing she could get me.

Do you know that that includes Valentine's day too?
Do you know that your 'not-good-enough' gift for me brought tears to my eyes?
Do you know that I put it next to my bed?
Do you know that it has helped me sleep more than panadol night?
Do you know that it kills me, really kills me, that I see your flowers wilting away and that I cant keep them forever?
Do you know that it was one of the most meaningful gifts I ever got?
Do you know that it has helped me see through so many people?
Do you know that it has helped me understand the true meaning of appreciation?
Do you know that it has helped me understand the true meaning of gratitude?
Do you know how happy you made me?
Do you know the extent of the smile you drew across my face?
Do you know that its so easy to please me, and yet no one actually bothers doing it?

Badreya,
Do you know that even though you're 'crazy', you're saner than a lot of people I know?